


oasis

by mirkwood131



Series: EXO Central [42]
Category: EXO (Band), Red Velvet (K-pop Band)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Dystopia, Angst, Bottom Byun Baekhyun, Drama, Fluff, M/M, Romance, Unrequited Love, War
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-11-07
Updated: 2018-11-07
Packaged: 2019-08-20 07:26:47
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 13,684
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16551533
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/mirkwood131/pseuds/mirkwood131
Summary: Baekhyun’s time with Chanyeol is limited. The war starts and he is forced to enroll in the military where he loses all contact with the first person he has ever fallen in love with him. But what happens when during his time there he becomes infatuated with an older man who doesn’t return his feelings? Will he still return to his first love in the end?





	oasis

**Author's Note:**

> okay, i feel like my summaries are getting so lame. sandra brown books lame. i promise my stories aren't as...lame, i hope. i really do, because then it's truly sad, at least for me.  
> anyways, it actually took me one week to write and edit this, which is shocking for me. i like it. i might actually write a second chapter for it, because it seems to be one of those which could benefit from one.  
> i listened to a lot of sad songs writing this-but that's what i usually listen to, anyways.  
> here's the playlist:  
> [ exo-gravity ](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=prFir9hRSxU) (my second fav on their album)  
> [ exo-oasis ](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=cmJRVOtvKdI) (my favorite, such a good song, damn)  
> [ norihiro tsuru-last carnival ](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hG1gbOjWWdI)  
> [ melting waltz-abel korzeniowski ](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7gF6A04vZiI)  
> hope you'll enjoy:)

He fell and pushed himself up with both hands; they slipped on the thick layer of ice. The fall reverberated through his vertebras, up his spine to the base of his neck.

“Fuck!”

Someone stopped in front of him. The shadow bended over his body, eating it whole with a colossal mouth as he kept looking down, at his skates.

“Come on!”

He took the hand and sprinted up, still not looking at the person in front of him.

“I don’t bite.”

He laughed, dusting off the speckles of ice from his pants: “I see you don’t.”

“I’m Chanyeol.”

“Baekhyun.”

“So…you like skating.”

“I’m not very good at it. As you can tell.”

“Come on. We can do it together, then. Just hold my hand.”

Baekhyun smiled and intertwined their fingers. He started sliding with ease, behind Chanyeol who, from time to time, was glancing back at him. In those moments, he would grin and squeeze the hand for one heart-beat. They went in circles across the rink, dodging every person that was standing in their way. His palm got sweaty, slippery in the other’s grasp, but he didn’t let go of it.

He closed his eyes.

Only the sound of people chatting, laughing remained, and the blade piercing through the ice. In his mind, there were just the two of them, the friction of flesh on flesh and the blood beating right underneath the skin, thickly, heating it up. Baekhyun held it tighter, opened his eyes and there was Chanyeol, looking at him; their gazes met and both burst out into laughter.

His foot slipped and they fell; fell and giggled, tangled on the ice.

“You really are terrible at this.” he said.

People were avoiding them, a pile on the ground, glancing back at the way they were smiling.

And afterwards, the war had started.

A couple of days before the announcement was made public on TV, Baekhyun had received the enrollment letter in the mail box.

The morning was dusted with lilac clouds that were being poked in their skin by yellow needles, attaching the hills to the sky with a thin thread.

He took it inside, unopened and placed it in the middle of the kitchen table. It smelled of ink and tar. Like everything had started smelling after a couple of years, when the sunlight had been replaced by the fumes of the furnaces. Each town was being surrounded by them since the first breakdown.

The air was barely breathable certain days and most of it was peaking inside the houses.

Baekhyun stared at the letter for a while; he was chewing his fingers, one by one, until he reached the layer above the muscles and the blood started trickling down in thin strips.  

He found Chanyeol again at the ice rink; standing on the side with the skates dangling from one hand. His hair was pale blue, fading into stark white.

The first time it had been red, bright, the kind you couldn’t see any more in nature. Everyone had been staring at them, turning their heads to take another glance at it.

He smiled.

“Ready to get your ass kicked?” Chanyeol asked.

An arm wrapped around his shoulders, bringing Baekhyun to his chest. He breathed out.

“I received the…enrollment letter. I’m supposed to go to war.” he said.

Chanyeol didn’t smell like tar or smoke, but of laundry detergent. When he had been little and the sky was still blue and crisp, his mother had used to buy gallons of it, store it in their basement; “you never know” she had been saying.

Baekhyun wished he would have some of it just to smell it at times. But it had all run up almost 10 years ago, when the government stopped its production. Dispensable consumable it had been named in all publications.

But Chanyeol smelled like it, another kind than the one he remembered, pressed flowers between yellowed pages.

“Me too.”

“And what if I don’t want to go? I don’t care about petrol and gases and…I don’t care about their damn problems.” Baekhyun said.

He was gripping tighter and tighter the other’s jacket until his fingers started aching.

“Won’t they make you enroll then? Take you there by force?”

“What are you going to do?”

“I don’t know. Go. Do the right thing.” Chanyeol said and Baekhyun frowned, letting go of the coat.

That was the second war.

The first one had been fought by the elders, the parents and grandparents, won by nobody as starvation and diseases had started eating away at the bodies of people hidden in dark homes. All the fog and smog had been gathering at the corners of the buildings, licking the cement until it would crack.

That had been no usual mist. So the war had suddenly stopped. Just as it had begun.

“I don’t understand why they’d want another one when…”

“Let’s talk about something else.”

Chanyeol grabbed his hand and pulled him closer. Brushed away the lonely strands of hair on his forehead with cold finger tips and blew warm air on the tip of his nose.

Baekhyun flushed, hiding his face behind a hand. The rink was almost empty that day; only a couple of people that didn’t seem to be paying attention to them, as they all looked down, at the ice in front of them. Both would slip and slide, slump one on top of another until they would run out of breath. And then do it all over again.

“Don’t think about bad things when you are with me, okay?” Chanyeol asked.

“Why?”

“Because when I’ll see them I’ll kick them until they won’t be anymore. I’ve just done so.”

He had 2 more weeks until the enrollment date for the military camp- a grey enclosure standing at the outskirts of the town, thrown among furnaces as if it had been one of them.

The days were getting quieter, with fewer and fewer people on the streets. Nobody was going to their jobs, all waiting for something in the silence of their houses with cracked walls and damp corners.

Baekhyun was seeing Chanyeol almost every day, not talking about any of it, but everything else.

“Your house is really nice.”

Baekhyun laughed. “Is it? I’ve always thought it’s more like “shit thrown together out of lack of money.”

“I still like it. It’s organic.”

Close to no one had money. Few job, small salaries. Only the higher people, the governors and state officials, had everything they could want; from holograms to good food and nice furniture and clothes. Things were made especially for them and just for them.

The rest were reusable. Used by generations and generations, items from bins that smelled like dust and unventilated spaces; like decomposing matters.

“I’ve just realized that you dress like someone would have in the 80’s.” Chanyeol said.

“80’s?”

“You know, 1980’s. I flipped through some magazines.”

Baekhhyun laughed and turned on his belly on the bed. The mattress was hard, springs poking his back and sides.

“And yours, your style?”

“Uhm…” he said, shifting to face the other.

They were standing inches apart and Baekhyun bumped their noses. That’s what he used to do to his mother long ago.

“Rock star meshing with modern hippie.”

“What are you talking about?!” he laughed.

“You don’t believe me?”

“No, I don’t. You look weird all the time. That’s your fashion style: weirdo.”

Chanyeol punched him in the ribs and pressed him down underneath his body.

“You’re heavy…”

“You’re whining.”

“Please…”

“What.”

“Get off of my chest or else I’ll burst like a fucking balloon.”

“No, you are not. I mean…when 2 people have sex, doesn’t the guy have to sit on top of the girl?” Chanyeol asked.

He pressed a little harder over Baekhyun until he pushed him off with both hands. But Chanyeol’s body didn’t move, not even one centimeter.

“How would I know?”

“Why wouldn’t you?”

Baekhyun looked to the side.

“I’m not a girl.”

“Of course you are not.” Chanyeol grinned.

“Then get off.” he huffed.

“Fine.”

One week had passed. The letter was still standing in the center of the table. He knew what it was all about from the posters on the walls and the few people talking loudly about it on the street. There was no need for him to open it.

Chanyeol had always been at this house for the last week.

“I know you said that I shouldn’t speak about-“

“You shouldn’t.” Chanyeol said and closed his eyes. “I’m listening.”

“Are you going to the same military base as me?”

“Yeah, I think so.”

“Then it’s good.”

“Why?”

“Because I’ll have you there. We wouldn’t be so alone. I heard that…”

“So then if we are going to be both there let’s not talk about what will be then, okay? Let me tell you something. When I was younger I thought that when a woman and a man kiss, the woman gets pregnant and that’s how you get babies.”

“That’s so stupid.”

“I know right? And then I told this to my teacher and she-she laughed in my face.”

“You had a teacher?”

“For a while.” Chanyeol nodded.

“My mom taught me everything.”

Baekhyun gulped down and closed his eyes. He flinched when Chanyeol touched his face.

“It’s me. What happened to her?”

“Oh…she died after the first war. A simple infection.”

Baekhyun laughed; breathed out and suddenly felt his nose fill with the chlorine smell of the hospital and of the room his mother stayed in with 15 more women, all diseased: pregnant, malnourished, poisoned by the fumes. Each day they had been getting fewer, but the next, the beds had been filled again. New faces but somehow everything had been static. Near the end it had been beginning to smell of rotting flesh.

“I’m sorry.” Chanyeol said.

He dragged his thumb across his jaw, up to his hair.

“It’s fine. It’s been a long time anyways.”

He could never picture her in his head. No matter how many times he had tried, the space remained blank. Nothing. All turned into shadows that took no human shape; but there was the kitchen where she had liked to cook and read in the morning, smelling of cinnamon and chamomile. He could remember exactly the pie she had used to make, how it smelled like, but not her face.

With time passing, he had stopped trying. Not even when she had been alive, could he do it. All her features blurred into one another. He could see other people, but not her.

“Baek…”

“Yeah…”

“Let’s…” he whispered and leaned down.

His breath was warm and damp.

The first kiss was soft, like it was supposed to be. Baekhyun shuddered.

“Baek…we are going to be alright.” Chanyeol whispered and kissed him again.

His lips were burning, the heat seeping inside of him, and Baekhyun clutched at his body, stilling for a moment. Chanyeol cupped his face and smiled, pulling him closer, beneath his body. This time, he let him do whatever he wished, shivering when his shirt fell down. But his skin prickled, warming up from the touches that were getting further down, to the waistband of his pants.

When there was only one day left, it’s when he felt short of breath. The city was calm.

Calm, not even the crows croaking or the few cars honking. Even the furnaces had stopped.

It was silent that day. Every little creak seemed too loud, his footsteps on the hard wood, his breath. He didn’t see Chanyeol that day but he was certain he would the next, at the military camp.

Crows were passing on the sky and Baekhyun watched them from his kitchen window, getting further away into a grey cloud.

The 2 last ones were flying one next to another, turning into particles of dust when they reached the edge of his window.

There were none anymore.

The camp was stashed with people when he arrived. It seemed like the entire town had spilled its contents in that place. Men of all ages were walking around, but most were around 30. That was the age of the population anyways. Not many elders or youngsters to take care of.

He looked around trying to spot Chanyeol.

“What’s your name?”

“Mine?”

“No, that tree’s over there. Of course yours, why else would I ask? To hear my fucking voice?”

“B-byun Baekhyun, sir.”

“Don’t call me sir. I’m Do Kyungsoo. Are you looking for someone?”

“A friend.”

“What friend? Tall, small, slim, what?”

“Tall and slim and with blue hair.”

“Who dyes his hair nowadays?” Kyungsoo raised an eyebrow. “Name?”

“Chanyeol. Park Chanyeol.”

“There are a lot of fucking Parks but I’ll look for him, Baekhyun. You go to that tent and get registered. They’ll give you the uniform and other shit.”

“Thank you but…”

“I’ll find him, don’t worry.”

Around the tent, there didn’t appear to be people at a first glance, but the crows he had seen on the sky. They were creating a thin black strip of chatter and yells around a green, plastic table covered in khaki uniforms and white soaps and towels.

“Neeext!” a voice shouted.

It started raining at some point. The line was not moving anymore and his clothes were damp and heavy on his body.

“Fuck, this is so much bullshit, I swear to god, we should have left when we had the chance. Now we’ll die here like some fucking rats.” a person in the back said to somebody else.

“Come on, we are freezing here!” the same voice yelled that time.

Baekhyun glanced back but he couldn’t spot the man. They all looked the same to him.

“Couldn’t find him.” Kyungsoo said, stopping on his left side.

“I didn’t see you.”

“Of course you didn’t. Stop staring at people or you’ll get your ass into trouble.”

“You said you couldn’t find my friend.”

“No…he might be coming in late.”

“He said he’ll come at this hour too.”

“Well, he didn’t, Baekhyun.”

“When will this line fucking move already!!” the man yelled again, closer to where the two of them were standing.

“Hear…” Baekhyun whispered. “Who’s that?”

Kyungsoo glanced back.

“A moron. He’ll get himself beaten at this point.”

After one more hour, the line was moving again.

“What are you here?”

“Officer.” Kyungsoo grinned.

“You seem proud.”

“Heck I don’t. But what is to be done now?” he asked, raising an eyebrow. “Come on, get yourself the stuff.”

The uniform and the rest were weighting close to nothing. Outside it was growing darker and darker and Chanyeol was nowhere.

“Are there any more tents were people can register at?”

“A couple more.”

“Can you show them to me? Maybe my friend is at one of those.”

“Fine. But I’m only doing this because you are so clueless and fragile like a little pansy. Who knows? Maybe without supervision you’ll get your ass kicked too.”

But those tents were the same as the one he waited at; the darkness was blurring the faces, bodies, making those people one compact mass of bones and flesh, moving in unison like a mechanism.

No Chanyeol. The sky was thick like molasses, smelling of burnt sugar. They sat down underneath a tree, one of the only ones in the camp.

“Your friend will come.” Kyungsoo said, “Don’t worry.”

“What if he doesn’t?”

“Then maybe it will be better for him than for us, who knows? Now sleep kiddo. Tomorrow is going to be shitty.”

“Is it?”

Baekhyun yawned. His body ached, starting from his feet, and the coldness of the rain still hadn’t seeped out of his bones.

“Yup.”

“Kyungsoo?”

“Huh?”

He stretched his arms and thought about how smooth Chanyeol’s skin had felt beneath his fingers; about how much he would have liked to be held by him in the arms and kissed on the lips.

“Are there any more camps around?”

“Yeah, maybe…”

“Maybe he’s at one of those.”

“Go to sleep, kiddo.”

The molasses melted off the sky slowly, barely. The purple smokes took its place.

“Wake up.”

Something kicked him in the right foot and when he opened his eyes, there was Kyungsoo hovering over him.

“Wake up! Now if you don’t want to get your ass kicked.”

It wasn’t even light outside yet.

“What time is it?”

“6. Come on. We’ll be late for training.”

“Training?”

“Of course. What did you think?” Kyungsoo asked.

The camp was made out of noises and dust at that hour. Everyone was gathered in small groups in the back of the tents, whispering, giving rapid glances to the sides. Others were stretching on the ground, alone.

“Do you think I could go to a different camp…search for my friend? If he’s not here?” Baekhyun asked.

Kyungsoo stopped walking and looked at him.

“Of course. You could also go shopping and maybe see a damn movie. No!” he said, his voice raising with each other. “Now go on.”

The training was made out of 10 exercises, done over and over again in the span of 12 hours. From 7 until 7, when the night was already fallen, and he couldn’t see anything before his feet. In the training enclosure, there were no street lamps. The only light that was coming was from the moon, but even that was dimmed by invisible clouds.

He hadn’t seen Chanyeol and nobody that he asked seemed to have seen him either.  

“I think this will go on for another week and then they will all get bored and send us wherever the shit they want.” Kyungsoo said.

“You think so?”

“Of course. They want the war to start.”

They were both sitting down, underneath the same tree from the first day.

“This is an oak tree.” Kyungsoo said, glancing up and tapped the bark with 2 fingers for some time; it almost sounded like a melody, but dimmed down, hollow.

“Really?”

Baekhyun dragged his palm across it, feeling its cracks and dents, flowing across a craggy surface.

“You act as if you hadn’t seen one damn tree in your life.”

“I have. I just can’t…differentiate them.”

“Let me guess. Home schooled?”

Baekhyun nodded and closed his eyes.

“I went to a proper school, you know. It was before the first war. When people still went to proper schools and work places.”

“How old are you?”

Kyungsoo laughed. “What do you think?”

“At least 30.”

“32…and you? 19, 20?”

“20.”

“I see.” he said. “Now go to sleep.”

“Kyungsoo…?”

“Huh?”

“You didn’t manage to…”

“I told you to go to sleep, kiddo, not nut me up with dumb questions. Sleep. Your friend is somewhere, so don’t worry.”

But Baekhyun couldn’t stop thinking about Chanyeol. He dreamed about him, waiting near the oak tree, smiling at him as robotic crows, screeching their metal wings, were flying around their heads and poking their bodies. When he opened his eyes, Baekhyun could still see them floating before his eyes.

As Kyungsoo had said, the next day was made out of the same training and eating hours. And it kept going and going, day after day, until his arms had stopped trembling as much as before.

At that point, on the fifth day, he was certain that Chanyeol was not with him in the camp. Always, in his dreams, he would always appear under the same tree, as the same robotic crows would be picking at his flesh, ripping chunks of it away. He would wake up sweating and cold, shivering as he had nothing to cover himself with. Kyungsoo was sleeping next to him.

“Are you alright?” he whispered.

“Bad dream.”

His voice sounded squeaky in his ears.

Kyungsoo yawned. “Take this.” he said.

It was a scratchy blanket, smelling of tar. He covered himself with it even though his whole body was wet and cold. “You’ll fucking get sick like this…” the man said and placed a hand over his forehead. “You’re hot as a fucking boiled egg.”

“I’m fine…”

He couldn’t fall back asleep and he supposed Kyungsoo couldn’t either, from the way he had kept on shifting on top of backpack.

On the sixth day, Baekhyun knew he needed to find Chanyeol. He didn’t like the way those people were looking at him from behind their furrowed brows. Those faces were wrinkled, tanned, dry and crackling. The sun was not seen, only the clouds and the fog, thicker and thicker.

Kyungsoo was the only person that he was talking to.

“I need to go find him.” he said one night.

Baekhyun wasn’t sure each day it was. They all looked the same.

“Don’t be stupid.”

“I need to. I can’t sleep at night or eat or-“

“Forget about him. Tomorrow or god knows when the war will actually start, with troops and guns and shit, and then you’ll be sent there and trust me, in the middle of all of that, you will forget about “your friend”.”

Baekhyun didn’t like the way Kyungsoo had said the last word, almost spitting it.

“I can’t. If you can be like this, then it’s your problem. But I’m not.” he said and stood up.

“Kiddo, don’t be stupid. If they catch you-“

But Baekhyun was running, barely seeing anything in front of him as there were only a couple of street lamps right near the center of the camp. The edges were all casting shadows.

His fingers touched the fence. He glanced behind. There was no one. His heart was ticking in his ears; he couldn’t hear anything else.

It smelled like iron and tar, the sweat of his fingers mixed with the dirt of the fences. His hand slipped, dug itself into a nail but he grabbed the bar again and jumped.

Baehyun pushed himself up, halfway across it, even though his hand was throbbing and the smell was caught in his mouth and nose. He felt like puking. But on the other side laid Chanyeol and one of the camps he might have been sent to. Holding himself on the metal bar, one foot higher up into one of the hundreds of holes, he fell down, straight on his back.

Something pulled him down. Flashlights were puncturing his eyes with their light. He closed them.

“We found one!!!” a man yelled.

“What the fuck did I tell you?”

It was Kyungsoo’s voice. A kick, he crouched, holding his middle at first, and then covering his head with both hands. Another kick came to his ribcage.

“Come on, go back, y’all! I’ll take care of this fucker right now.”

Another hit, softer than the other ones, into his foot.

“Stand up and follow me.”

But he couldn’t. Baekhyun felt glued to the ground, unable to move his arms or legs.

“Stand up you moron and fucking follow me!!” Kyungsoo said and grabbed his arm.

He pulled him up and then let him fall back on the ground.

“For fuck’s sake, are you actually going to a fucking war or what?!”

Baekhyun closed his eyes, waiting the fourth kick which never came. Instead, his chest hit something warm and not entirely hard. He was no longer down, but carried on Kyungsoo’s back.

“I will kill you with my own hands if the enemy doesn’t. Hear me there in that nut head of yours?”

Baekhyun hummed.

“Good.”

After 100 steps that he had counted, Kyungsoo stopped and placed Baekhyun on the ground.

“Why did you…tell them?”

“Because otherwise you would have gotten yourself in a lot of trouble kiddo. These people…you don’t know what these people are capable of.”

“My body hurts.”

“And your palm is bleeding like a pig. Hang on, damsel in distress.”

He nodded and then waited. A part of him was beginning to hate Kyungsoo. Another one was grateful. How would he be able to see Chanyeol again when all his chances had been cut off?!

“Open your eyes, Sleeping Beauty.”

“You are a dick. And I’m a damsel in distress because of you.”

“I have one, thank you. I don’t need two.”

Baekhyun laughed.

“Stay still. You’ve fucked your hand with your stupidity.”

“Have you been in the first war?”

“Yes.”

“How was it?”

“How do you think it was?”

Baekhyun shrugged. “How am I supposed to know?”

“Don’t you ever read a book?”

“Not about a shitting war. Auch!”

“You fucked it really well and I can’t see anything.” Kyungsoo said and put the cloth aside. “So…your friend. He is more, isn’t it?”

“I…”

“I’m fine with that…sort of thing.”

“I don’t know…I’ve known him for 2 weeks only.”

“Baekhyun…”

“I know what you’ll say-“

“I wasn’t going to say that.”

“Yes you were.”

“I was.” Kyungsoo sighed. “You can’t fall for someone after 2 weeks.”

“How do you know? Were you ever in love?”

“Once.”

“And…”

“It didn’t work out and then the war came and here I am. Stop scrolling through my past.”

“I was not.”

“Yes, you are. Your hand is almost as new. But your head is still stupid.”

“Thanks.”

“Don’t run away again.” Kyungsoo said and brushed his fingers through Baekhyun’s hair.

“Can’t promise that.”

“I’ll kick your ass.” he smiled and let sat next to him.

“What happened to…the person you loved?”

“I met her in high-school, when there were still some schools left. She-“Kyungsoo smiled in the darkness, but Baekhyun couldn’t see it-“was the coolest and funniest girl I have ever met. And when that sort of girl paid attention to one like me…” he shook his head.

“What’s wrong with one like you?”

“Irene…that is her name. She was smarter and better than me in every aspect, and I couldn’t stop flaunting the fact that a girl like her was dating me!” he laughed. “And then high-school ended and we got married. That’s when the real shit was starting to happen. There were no more jobs, I couldn’t work anywhere, so her parents were giving us some money. And of course that a girl like her would get bored of such a situation. We…”

Baekhyun glanced at him and sighed.

“We were becoming strangers so at some point she ran off with some…government boy. But then the war started and…”

“I’m sorry.”

“It’s fine. Now, did you sate your curiosity?”

“I didn’t mean to-“

“I was just kidding, Baekhyun.” he smiled. “It’s been 10 years since then. All is in the past.”

It was quiet in the camp at that hour, up until 5am when people were beginning to wake up and walk around, shouting and laughing, stirring him from his sleep.

Baekhyun turned on the other side.

“Wake up. I think something is going to happen.” Kyungsoo said.

He looked worse than before, with dark circles and disheveled hair that was covering one eye.

“What’s wrong?” he asked, rubbing his eyes.

“I think they are taking some of us somewhere else. But it’s just a hunch.”

“Kyungsoo.” Baekhyun said and grabbed his arm. “Don’t let leave without me. Please…”

He smiled and brushed it away.

“I won’t. Don’t fret.”

“I mean it. You’re…”

“Don’t start being melodramatic with me. It doesn’t work, maybe only with the ladies. If we do get separated, toughen up, okay?”

“But we won’t, right?”

“I’ll try my best.” he said and stood up.

Baekhyun watched his shape get smaller and smaller until there was nothing left of it. He suddenly remembered Chanyeol. For a couple of days, his dreams had just stopped. His nights were blank and long.

When he reached the center of the camp, men were already gathered there, forming a big circle around three people that were not dressed in a military costume. Someone was shouting gibberish into a microphone but Baekhyun couldn’t listen to it. Because he saw Chanyeol, right near a tent, dressed as civilian. Looking decent. Like he had been the last time he had seen him.

“Chanyeol.” Baekhyun shouted and ran towards him. “Chanyeol.”

“Baek…” he smiled.

“I-I…I’ve been waiting for you this past week and I even tried to-“

“Shhh…come here.” Chanyeol said and pulled him behind the tent.

“Why did you come so late, didn’t they…?”

“I’m alright. I don’t have to fight in the war. My father took care of that.”

“Your…father?”

“He’s the one talking right now.”

Baekhyun glanced back but he could only see the green material of the tent.

“You didn’t tell me your father is in the army.”

“He isn’t.” Chanyeol whispered. “He’s…a governor.”

Baekhyun blinked a couple of times and then breathed out.

“I couldn’t tell you back then. I knew you would freak out and see me in a different light. I tried helping you out but…my father is a difficult person.” Chanyeol said, brushing his fingers up and down Baekhyun’s arm. “You’ve buffed up.”

“I…had to train.”

“It must be terrible living here.” he said, looking around. “All these people and the food, I suppose.”

“You could have told me.” Baekhyun whispered. “I almost ran away to find you.”

“I’m sorry. I really am. I didn’t know things would be like this.” Chanyeol said.

He leaned down, closer to his face and kissed him on the lips. “I missed you.”

“Me too.” he said, clutching at his shirt.

Chanyeol smelled like laundry detergent, pine cones and musk. He smelled like home and safety and better places.

“God…I wish we could be alone right now.” Chanyeol whispered, kissing him harder.

“Can’t you…talk to your dad…I…“

“I’m sorry, I’m sorry, baby…I wish I could.”

“It’s okay.” he smiled. “I’m happy you are here.”

“Me too.”

“Baekhyun, kiddo!! They’re sending us together to hell!! At least we’ll both die…together.” Kyungsoo whispered the last words as his figure approached from behind the tent.

“Who is that?” Chanyeol asked.

“A…he’s a friend that-“

“Friend?”

“I see you are busy.” Kyungsoo said and turned around. “We’re in the same unit. 13.”

Baekhyun sighed and made a step towards him but then stopped.

“Don’t befriend these people, Baek…” Chanyeol whispered. “They are brutes, people without-“he shook his head-“a purpose in life. Killers. Sooner or later they will take advantage of you.”

“I am one of them then.” Baekhyun said.

“I didn’t mean it in that way. You are nothing like them.”

“Yet I’m part of them, right? I trust him, Chanyeol. I really do. He took care of me since I’ve arrived here. I thought we’d have each other not find out after a damn week that your fucking father got your ass out of this crap!!” Baekhyun yelled. “I might die out there!! Fighting for a war your fucking father and his friends started when people have nothing to eat…”

He felt his legs tremble, giving up underneath his weight.

“Baek…I’m sorry, believe me, I’m not…I’m not okay with what is done. But what can I do?! Tell me? Nothing is in my powers.”

“Of course not.” Baekhyun said and walked away, not looking back at him.

He found Kyungsoo underneath the oak tree, smoking a cigarette.

“How did you get that?”

“I had it hidden.”

“So…same unit, huh?”

“So that’s your boyfriend.” the man looked up at him and sneered, “That fucking asshole’s son. The son of the fucker who’s sending us to die like fucking dogs while they eat caviar and drink fucking champagne. Did you know about any of it?”

“No!! Today I found about. How could I have known when I tried to…”

“Run away for him. Right.” Kyungsoo said. “You still call that love?”

“Please don’t.”

“What don’t?”

“That.” Baekhyun pointed. “Breaking apart my life and my mistakes and the reason why I love him and not somebody else.”

“Exactly. Why don’t you love a nice poor fella’ or someone decent, for fuck’s sake?! Why? He is sending you to die.”

“I won’t talk to you about my feelings.”

“Of course not. Because you are such a fucking coward to admit that-“

“Why do you care so much?” Baekhyun shouted, kicking the ground until a cloud of dust gathered around Kyungsoo.

“Fuck it.”

“Yeah…now you are the coward. Not me.”

Baekhyun threw a stone and fell down. He was going to die.

Die. Die. Die. The word was spinning around his mind until it didn’t even make any sense.

That’s how Chanyeol found him, lying flat on the ground, staring at the few stars visible on the sky. They were getting fewer and fewer each day.

“Baek…”

“Yes.” he whispered, but didn’t look his way.

“I’m sorry.”

He sighed. Chanyeol sat down next to him, crossing his arms underneath his head.

“You knew. From the beginning.”

“I did.”

“Do you hate me for it?”

“I don’t know.” Baekhyun whispered and looked at him. “I can’t.”

“I love you.” Chanyeol said and kissed him on the chin then on the lips.

They were cold like the night.

“Am I going to die?”

“Let’s not talk about that…come on. I…have a tent. You don’t have to sleep outside tonight.” Chanyeol said and pulled him up.

Baekhyun couldn’t feel his bones in the body. He was hanging only by the flesh dripping down.

Chanyeol led him to the tent that had a bed, a real bed in the middle, not a blanket on the ground and a backpack for a pillow. A real one.

“Tomorrow we are-“

“Shhh…” Chanyeol whispered and kissed him.

Gently, he pushed him on the bed, until his body was hovering over Baekhyun’s.

“You are not going to die.” he said.

But the word was twisting in his mind because he felt certain that he would.

“You are not because you cannot leave me alone.” Chanyeol said.

He removed all of their clothes. They fell on the floor and Baekhyun closed his eyes, trying to imagine the night sky, as it used to look like when he had been little. He couldn’t.

The bed felt strange. It all did. Even Chanyeol’s arms around him, their naked bodies pressed one to another, the kisses and touch of fingers he craved so much, knowing with a strange certainty that he would die.

Morning was dark.

At 5 he woke up, slipped out of bed and kissed Chanyeol one more time on the forehead.

The military truck was already there, waiting for him. He looked around for Kyungsoo and saw him right near the vehicle.

“I thought that you might not come. Kiddo.” Kyungsoo said but didn’t look at him. Somewhere else.

“Unit 13, right?”

“Right. Hop in. Come on.” he said.

“Is it far away?”

“5-ish hours or so.”

He didn’t know if they were alright.

“Are we…”

“Just fine. You are right. I shouldn’t care that much about your life. And you shouldn’t about mine either so our relationship should be strictly professional from now on.”

“Kyungsoo…”

“Officer Do for you.”

“I-“

“Yes, private Byun?”

“Nothing, sir.”

The car ride took longer than 5 hours. Almost 8, stopping at regular intervals in certain spots for everyone inside to get out and take a break.

“What’s your name?” someone asked him at some point.

“Baekhyun.”

“Jongdae. It’s my first time in the army too.” he said. “There are no planes around, did you see?”

“Because they have no money nor resources to make planes.” Kyungsoo said. “That’s why there are none. They are fighting for the last bit of resources until this fucking earth will shut down covered in their toxic smog. That’s what is it so stop with the chit chat. You are here to fight not talk.”

“Is he always like this?” Jongdae whispered.

Baekhyun glanced at Kyungsoo and then back at the other.

“Usually.”

Jongdae nodded.

Baekhyun remembered that back when he was still a kid and couldn’t read, there were some commercials on TV talking about the higher and higher rates of pollution and how hard natural resources were to find. Back then nobody really paid attention to that, even though they were already beginning to reuse old stuff. Nothing new was being created anymore, from clothes to books and electronics. And then it seemed like cars nor planes, tanks or guns were made afterwards either. They had nothing to make them of.

Baekhyun watched as the hills were replaced by valleys with small trees that barely had any leaves on them. It was rather quiet in the car. Jongdae had fallen asleep on his shoulder and Kyungsoo kept looking in the opposite direction.

Chanyeol was probably back at home, safe, eating decent food and sleeping on clean beddings. Baekhyun envied him. Envied all those who were about to live. Survive.

The car stopped again. More tents, more fences, more people.

“Out! We’ve arrived ladies and gents!” a man said.

Jongdae woke up and sprung to his feet like a toy in a box.

“Well…just another camp.” he yawned.

“Kyungsoo-Officer Do!” Baekhyun yelled as the other was already down and walking away from them.

“How do you know him?”

“Met in the first camp.” he said, speeding up his pace.

“Aaand…is he angry with you or something? You’ve first been calling him Kyungsoo.”

Baekhyun shrugged.

“Secretive. I see.”

“There’s no secret. He’s my superior so I should pay some respect to him.”

“If you say so.”

He couldn’t see Kyungsoo anymore.

It seemed like the date they would fight the enemy was being postponed over and over again. Not enough men, not enough ammo. Not enough anything.

But Baekhyun was glad. He was still alive, still far away from any real danger.

Kyungsoo was smoking another cigarette behind a tent that time. He ran into him by accident, not expecting to spot him anymore.

“I’ve been looking for you.”

“You did? And if you couldn’t find me were you about to run away too?”

“Don’t be an asshole.”

“I’m your superior. Watch your tongue.”

He blew out some smoke and then threw the stump on the ground.

“We were friends.”

“No, we weren’t. I was just getting your ass out of a lot of bullshit. Now I regret putting you in the same unit as me.”

“You talked to them for me?”

“As I said, now I regret it. I don’t need whiny, useless kids dragging me down and making me get killed.”

Baekhyun left. He felt his eyes burn and throat ache. Kyungsoo was an asshole.

“Give me some of that too.” he said to Jongdae.

“Problems in paradise?”

“Would you shut up?!”

“Fine, fine.”

He ate in silence the porridge that tasted like ground. Kyungsoo came after a while and sat right next to him, leaving almost no space between their bodies. Jongdae looked over at them and smirked.

“Give me some too.” he said and grabbed the bowl from Baekhyun’s hands.

“Wha-“

“I saved your ass so…”

“Now is it peace in paradise?” Jongdae asked, giving one long glance to Baekhyun.

“Do you have a shut-down button? Or do I need to kick you in the fucking face to stop with the bullshit?”

Baekhyun giggled and bumped into the man’s shoulder. He felt lighter.

“Do we get tents too?” Jongdae asked.

“Request one.” Kyungsoo said. “Of course not, you moron, so sit down.”

Jongdae mumbled something and Baekhyun glanced over at Kyungsoo. “Come on! Go to sleep! Both of you.” he said and stood up.

Kyungsoo didn’t look behind when he left, just left.

“So you and Kyungsoo. Officer Do, I mean.” Jongdae smiled.

“What about that?”

“You like him, right?”

“Why would I?”

“Because…” he shook his head, “it’s obvious.”

“Well, I don’t. He just helped me a lot.”

“I can tell he helped you.” Jongdae smirked, slapping him over the thigh, “I bet he likes it rough in bed, don’t you think?”

Baekhyun glanced to the side, feeling his cheeks heat up.

“How would I know?”

“If you knew, you’d tell me, right?”

“Why are you interested, anyways?”

“I like him and I have the balls to admit that…unlike others. You might as well mark your territory while you can.”

“We are going to a fucking war, war, and you stay here and keep talking about-about-“

“Passing time. Sorry it annoys you. What am I supposed to talk about? How a bullet will go through me at some point and maybe stop in my fucking stomach and make me die like a dog? Is that the war talk you were talking about?”

“Fuck it!”

“That’s right! Now leave! That’s how it’s done!!” Jongdae yelled but Baekhyun had already started running.

The night seemed not to pass. He found a tree that had some sort of hollow in it where he could sit halfway with most of his body. It was hard and itchy, insects crawling around and his thoughts wandered back to Chanyeol, to home and better times when he had used to sleep in a bed. If he thought about it, that’s what he missed the most. Everything else was additional.

But a bed with a soft mattress and white sheets that smelled like pressed flowers and pinecone. He missed that the most.

Morning was grey, greyer than before. The fumes could not be mistaken by fog or mist anymore. Blueish strands, like cotton candy, running between their feet, protruding through every crevice and hole they could find. It smelled like death. Death made out of gas and burning oils and tar.

And the camp was filled. That one too. Baekhyun wondered how they were able to find so many men and women, even though the towns and cities seemed to be emptied on any day of any human breathe. Only animals, rodents and dogs were proliferating, replacing them in houses, on the streets, underground. Somehow, these camps looked more like cities than the real ones.

People looked dirty and tired, hunched over their whitish grey meals that smelled like damp ground. Oats. Without honey or sugar, just them. After a while, the taste didn’t matter. The motions of eating became mechanic and you were no longer aware of the taste.

He wondered how those furnaces were still functioning when they were sent to war for more resources. It had been said that in 5 years, every remaining industry would shut down. People would go back to their old way of living until a viable solution would be found. He wished for that. For anything, in fact.

“Looked for you.” Jongdae said.

He smelled just as bad as everybody else. Sweaty and tangy.

“I’m here.”

“I can tell. Two were caught trying to run away from the camp. A woman and a man, both in their 20s.”

“What happened to them?”

Jongdae shrugged. “Nothing good, I supposed.”

They kept walking in silence until they reached the training enclosure, where there were already around 30 men and women.

“In the last camp there were no women.” Baekhyun said.

“They kept them separate I heard but then everything became too crowded so they had to mix it up. Well, I suppose it’s better for the people in a way.” Jongdae laughed. “Last night I heard two fucking. Seemed like a porn.”

Kyungsoo was at the edge of the enclosure, biting one finger.

“Officer Do.” Jongdae smiled.

“Our 2 damsels came. What a surprise.”

“When are we going to leave?”

“Soon enough. Are you that eager?”

“Not really.” Jongdae laughed.

Baekhyun walked ahead and stopped in front of a lifting bar that had no people around it. He looked behind and saw Kyungsoo laughing at something Jongdae said. He had never laughed at anything he had told him. Only frowned or complained about how stupid he had been.

He grabbed the bar with sweaty fingers and lifted himself up. His arms immediately ached, pain surging up to the base of his neck and Baekhyun fell down.

“Fuck it.”

The bar appeared too high. He had spent the entire day in the enclosure, mindlessly going through the routine he had got accustomed to. Jongdae had come a couple of times to him to ask him something each time, but he had pretended he had been there. After a while, the other had given up. It was just him.

He didn’t want to think about anything else or beset over the empty feeling in his chest. His insides felt filled with water hitting the berms of his chest, eroding them down.

Kyungsoo didn’t come to him, not even once. When night fell, earlier and earlier, he tried to find him. But he couldn’t.

Near a tent, on the right side of it he saw a couple of men and women drinking around a small fire. He stopped in front of them and crouched down.

“I’m Baekhyun. Can I sit with you?”

“Sure.” one of the men said. “Here.” and gave him a dusty bottle of what seemed beer.

“It tastes a bit shitty, you know, but still good.” a woman said. “I’m Seulgi and those are Joy, Seon-ho and Kris.” she pointed towards each one.

“Baekhyun.”

“So, what unit are you in?” Seon-ho asked.

“13.”

“Oh. Then you are leaving among the firsts. ‘Luck!”

“Am I?”

“Yeah…test the ground for the rest.” Seulgi said. “Why are we talking about that again?”

“Because Seon-ho here cannot keep his mouth shut.” Kris said. “Drink, that’s the last beer.”

“Oh…”

Baekhyun looked down at it and then took a big gulp. It tasted bitter, too bitter actually.  He didn’t like it, but after a while, the alcohol had reached his every cell.

“I think he’s drunk.” Joy laughed.

“Baekhyun…” Seon-ho whispered.

But Baekhhyun was staring at his fingers, with the browned bottle discarded near his leg. Seon-ho pushed him with one finger in the shoulder and he tripped over on the ground. They all laughed until Kyungsoo stopped next to him and nudged him in the ribs with his boot.

“Come on, wake up. And the four of you, break it up.”

“Yes, sir!”

Baekhyun tried to look at him, but his body was contorting from that position.

“It’s you…”

“And you are fucking drunk from one shitting beer. Good job.”

Kyungsoo pulled him up and Baekhyun lost balance; the ground was spinning with him.

“I think…I’m gonna-“he whispered and then a hot, translucent liquid exploded from his mouth right on Kyungsoo’s khaki vest.

He coughed a couple of times, until it all stopped.

“Great! Now I smell like fucking vomit.”

Baekhyun closed his eyes and waited. The man threw him over his shoulder and he clutched with both hands at his clothing, his arms. The night was too dark.

“Tomorrow we are leaving god knows where and you go fucking drunk.”

“Kyungsoo…” Baekhyun whispered.

“I’ll take care of you…don’t worry.” he sighed.

“Will you…?”

“Didn’t I say I would? I keep my word…Now let me get you cleaned and less stinking. Take that off.”

“What?”

“Your shirt…”

“Why?” he asked, feeling himself blush.

“Because you are covered in vomit, that’s way. If you want to sleep in it, fine. I don’t care. But just take it off while I bring you a clean one.”

Baekhyun watched him disappear and suddenly he was afraid the he would never come back for him. He peeled the shirt of his skin and threw it somewhere. It was cold. He started shivering, rubbing both hands over his naked body.

“Take this.”

“Thanks…”

“Feeling better?” Kyungsoo asked.

He nodded. “Did you…change yours?”

“Yes. Now go to sleep.”

“Can you stay here?”

“Fine.”

He sat down next to him on the ground and Baekhyun turned his head towards him. His face was covered by shadows but he knew he was there. The air was filled by their breathing.

“Do you like Jongdae better?”

“Of course not. He is an annoying prick, just like you are.” Kyungsoo whispered.

“If I die…would you burry me somewhere? Not leave me…out to be…eaten by the crows?”

“Yes. I will and say a prayer for you, okay? But don’t think about those sorts of things before anything even started. Afterwards, you’ll have enough time.”

“Did you think about dying…back then?”

“Of course.” Kyungsoo laughed dryly.

“How did you escape?” he asked, shifting closer to him.

“I ran away when my unit was blown to pieces. Just ran until I found a camp.”

“Aren’t you…”

“Ashamed? Of course. I ran like a coward but I survived. If I had stayed, I would have gotten killed like the rest of them.”

“I’m sorry…”

“Don’t be. Don’t risk your life for anybody out there, okay?”

“Not even for you?”

“Not even for me. You are young and you should live, okay? I…should have put you in a better unit but you wanted to not…doesn’t matter.” he shook his head.

“It’s fine.”

“Just think that Chanyeol is waiting for you back home. You’ll have more reasons to keep yourself alive then.” Kyungsoo said.

“And do you have…reasons to stay alive?”

“Not really. I have no one so it’s indifferent whether I live or die at this point. Now go to sleep. This talk is fucking depressing.”

Baekhyun closed his eyes. Kyungsoo was warm and smelling terribly.

“You stink.”

“Thank you.” he laughed. “You too.”

“Kyungsoo…” Baekhyun whispered, pushing himself closer. He licked his lips-they were cracked and aching-and looked up at him, then down, towards his mouth.

“Yeah…”

“I…”

He closed his eyes fully and leaned in. But he didn’t feel anything because he was being pushed, hard, until he fell down, on his back. It cleared all the air out of his lungs

“Don’t ever do that again!” Kyungsoo said, too loudly. “Don’t…I can’t.”

He stood up and brushed away the dirt on his pants. Baekhyun wrapped both arms around his knees that were pressed against his chest.

His chest shuddered and he wasn’t sure when he had fallen asleep. But when he woke up, he was covered by a dirty blanket. His throat was raw.

“Wake up!”

It was Jongdae. “We’re leaving, it seems.”

“Yeah?”

“You look like crap, so you know.”

“Thanks.”

“Where’s your Kyungsoo?”

“Don’t say that!!”

“Calm down. It was only a joke.” Jongdae laughed.

“I have a boyfriend, if you want to know. Outside, in the…real world.”

“Oh…why didn’t you say that from the beginning?”

“You didn’t ask.”

It was the same truck that had brought them there.

Kyungsoo was sitting in the opposite side of him, staring down at his feet. Baekhyun wasn’t sure what to say to him as it had been obvious. Way too and embarrassing. Rejection tasted bitter. A woman was next to Kyungsoo, Joy, it seemed like, and Baekhyun wanted to go to her and throw her out of the car. She had no right. Nobody had any right to go and talk to him like it was okay. Like they had the right.

At one point, he looked up and their gazes met. He tried to hold it, but the man looked at Joy instead.

“How long will we keep on this shitting road? Have they bombed it or what?” Jongdae asked.

Baekhyun shrugged.

“Go to him.”

“What?”

“I can literally hear your thoughts boiling. And you do this weird thing with your breathing, you know. Puffing like a dragon or something.”

“I don’t.”

“Just admit you are jealous and move on. Go to him and…I don’t know. If I were you, I would do something.”

“I don’t like him in that way. So I have no reason to be jealous.”

“If you say so.”

The car didn’t make any stops this time. It kept going and going, past big trees without any leaves, to hills that were getting taller and taller until they were turning into mountains covered in snow and pine trees. There it smelled much better. Less of tar but of damp earth and vegetation. Baekhyun had only seen the mountains in illustrated books, ones that his mother had kept stashed underneath the floor so that the raids would not take them for the public libraries. At that time, books hadn’t been manufactured anymore. There weren’t many trees left for that.

So at night, with a flashlight, he would have skimmed through them to look at picture of the mountains and the sea and oceans that seemed so far away, like fables.

But those mountains were real, in front of him. The air was getting colder, prickling his skin, burning his nostrils.

“Beautiful, right?”

“Yeah…” he whispered.

It was. He wished they would stop right there and just sit on the grass, feel it underneath his palms and breathe in that air until his lungs would hurt. He wished his mother were there to see the mountains with him, laugh at how one cloud resembled an old man with a long beard. Have someone love him unconditionally, take care of him.

He glanced over at Kyungsoo, and that time, he was the one looking at him. Baekhyun blushed; looked away and then back at him. The man was no longer paying attention to him.

The truck only stopped after 3 more hours, in the opening of a forest filled with trees that had yet to lose all their leaves.

“We make camp here. The enemy is on the other side of the river bank, probably waiting for us. We’ll have to dig some trenches. Keep in mind we don’t have much ammo. Or anything, for that matter.” Kyungsoo said.

It all seemed like a joke, a kid’s play.

“But do they have more?”

“We don’t know.”

Digging trenches was harder than it first seemed. The shovels were not sharp enough, blunt mostly. His muscles were sore after a while. He could barely lift it.

“Take a break.” Kyungsoo said.

“I should…”

“Take a break, I’ll cover for you.”

He sat down and watched everybody continue digging into the earth. Those thin, wiggly lines didn’t look like the trenches from books and movies. They looked funny, child-like. He started shoveling again. It didn’t seem like they would ever finish them.

“This is stupid.” Jongdae said. “Truly stupid and pointless. ‘The enemy’ could just fire at us right now and we would all be dead.”

“I’m pretty sure they are in the same position as us.” Joy said. “They might think we have those damn mysterious resources but guess what?! We have shit and shitty shovels.”

She threw the shovel away and sat down.

“I’m too tired.”

“Keep working…we need to finish by night fall.” Kyungsoo yelled.

But it was already night fall and the trenches just looked like some tiny, long holes that the pigs might grub with their snouts.

“Pity we don’t have some booze.” a man said.

“Yeah, you’d want some, wouldn’t you?”

Baekhyun sat down on his back and looked through the foliage of the trees. A star was glimmering between some leaves and for some reason he wished it to grow bigger and bigger and fall.

“I haven’t seen a star in a while.” Jongdae said.

“It doesn’t feel that we are at war.”

“I know, right?” he laughed. “It feels like…I wouldn’t-I wouldn’t be so sad if I died here. Would you?”

“No.” Baekhyun whispered. “I wouldn’t.”

A bird chirped, and his gaze sprinted towards the sound. It ran for a while, trying to find it, but he couldn’t. Darkness was already all over the place.

“I suppose we aren’t going to finish to finish the trenches tonight.” someone said.

“It’s already dark.”

“Leave it for tomorrow.”

The first attack came early in the morning. It was only a bomb, which hit a tree in the back of the camp. Baekhyun woke up sweating from another dream, right at the time of the impact. His ears started whizzing and didn’t stop even after an hour.

The tree was black, only a thin stump remaining out of it.

“Seems like they have bombs.” Kyungsoo said.

“Do we?”

“Of course not.”

“What do we have other than these fucking shovels and some hand guns?”

“Nothing else.”

That’s when the thoughts he had had before returned to his mind. He was going to die. The forest suddenly didn’t seem so peaceful and the idea of death was swirling again between his other thoughts. It was only the beginning.

“This is so fucking peachy!!” one yelled. “Let’s just call retreat. We don’t even have the trenches because nothing works here. Maybe they do have more resources.”

“We can’t.” Kyungsoo said.

“Well, to be honest, nobody asked me if I want to fight in this crap. And I don’t!” Joy said, standing up.

“Who the fuck wants?”

“I’m leaving!”

“Everybody!!” Kyungsoo shouted. “This isn’t kid’s play. We are actually on the battlefield. Behind that river bank there are people, enemies, people who want to kill us for a better life! We cannot run away like some fucking cowards! And if we run, afterwards what? What? Where are you all planning to go to and do?!”

“Not die.” Joy said. “Who’s with me, gather your stuff. We are leaving.”

“This is a joke.” a man said.

“What are we going to do?” Jongdae asked.

Baekhyun shrugged.

“You two. Don’t even think about leaving. Got it?” Kyungsoo said.

“Where could we go, anyways?” Jongdae sighed.

By mid-day, in the camp there were only the three of them.

“This is stupid.” Baekhyun said and threw a rock at a tree.

“Give me a better idea.” Kyungsoo huffed.

“Leave too?”

“Okay, so we leave. And then what? Where are we supposed to go as traitors?”

“Anywhere!” Jongdae yelled. “We’ll only get killed here. Killed.”

“Don’t you both have a little pride?! Leave! Seriously! Leave!”

After that, a second bomb hit another tree, but closer to where they were standing than the other time.

“Fuck.”

“At night fall, we’ll walk to their camp. See how many there are.” Kyungsoo said.

“And then…what?” Baekhyun asked.

He shrugged.

Baekhyun sat down next to him as he watched Jongdae walk between the tree trunks: “I’m gonna pee, okay?!” he yelled.

“I’m scared.” he whispered.

“I know…me too. This is…” Kyungsoo shook his head.

Baekhyun shifted even closer and leaned his head on the other’s shoulder. “I’m glad we are together in this. I mean…I’m glad you’ve found me.”

Kyungsoo laughed, patting his thigh.

“Yeah…me too.”

He looked up at him and wondered about a lot of things. Kyungsoo bit his bottom lip, gazing somewhere in the distance.

“I wish I could kiss you.”

He laughed again, softer this time, as his fingers started caressing Baekhyun’s hair.

“Jongdae might come and you know he likes to chat.”

“Will you kiss me before we leave for their camp? If I die…at least die in peace.”

“Don’t be fucking dramatic with me, kiddo.” Kyungsoo laughed and pushed him away. “You have a rich boyfriend so you have no need for one like me. Except to protect you during the war, but when it’s over, you won’t want to admit that you had anything to do with me. At least not to your rich boy.”

“You’re an ass.” Baekhyun said and stood up. “I hate that you think so little of me. I really do.”

“Baek!!”

“Fuck off!” he yelled.

“What’s wrong with him?” Jongdae asked.

Kyungsoo shrugged. He took a cigarette out of a pocket of his trousers and lighted it. The smoke covered his entire face when he breathed out.

“Have one more?”

“The last.”

Baekhyun stopped walking when he reached the edge of the forest; the murmur of the water was louder than before. He was right at the river bank. The weeds were tall enough, almost as tall as him, but he bent down, and peaked through them.

On the other side, there were a couple of tents, 4 at most, no trenches, up to 10 people walking around, talking.  There was no sign of weapons. Nothing. He thought that most probably they were all hidden in one of the tents but except for that, it almost seemed that he ran into a group of travelers.

“We could take them down.” Baekhyun said when he returned back to their camp.

“Who?”

“The enemy. At most 15, have 4 tents, and don’t seem stressed at all. If we take them by surprise…”

“Have you seen their weapons?”

“No.”

“Then how are you so sure?” Kyungsoo asked.

“Because I am. We should do something as we remained here.”

“We might not need to kill each other. Let’s wait a while longer.”

“Then why the fuck don’t we leave?”

“Baekhyun…we should be more-“

“You know what? I’ll do it myself, if you don’t want to.” he said.

He picked four of the guns in the tent they had raised up the other day, keeping them tight at his chest, and one grenade-the only one that they had.

“This idiot!” Kyungsoo mumbled. “Come on, it seems like we are going to do some stupid shit.”

He picked the rest of the guns while Jongdae was trailing behind him, going through the rest of the forest until they reached the same spot near the river bank. Baekhyun was already there, sitting on his belly between the weeds.

“What’s the plan?” Kyungsoo asked.

“Shoot them?”

“Wow, fantastic. If every military commander came up with such a plan, I’m sure no wars would be have been won. Let’s wait until it gets dark. Hopefully these morons will start a nice, bright fire.”

“What if they shoot back?” Jongdae asked.

“Hopefully they won’t have time. Let’s pray it will be dark enough and we covered by these well.”

The night didn’t seem to be wanting to come anymore. The forest was veiled by a shroud of purple and pink, filtered by the rare foliage that was mostly casting shadows over their faces. The grass was dry, scratching their skin and making it go raw after a while. Everything was beginning to hurt and tingle at some point.

Cold and quiet, except for some lonely birds and flutter of wings.

Eventually, the sky turned dark grey, almost black but not quite. No stars. No moon.

“Well…” Kyungsoo whispered. “There’s no fire just yet.”

After another hour, a small blaze started to illuminate the other opening of the forest. 12 men and women were gathered around the growing fire. It seemed almost too normal and trivial, frying meat and sausages on sticks, eating them with their fingers.

In no book had it said that the war would look like that.

Baekhyun didn’t feel that rage anymore, the need to puncture the flesh with his gun and hear the screams of those people. They didn’t seem any different than them, regular, normal, poor and tired.

What were they doing there?

“I’ll throw the grenade in there. Maybe not in the river.” Kyungsoo whispered.

Baekhyun closed his eyes and waited. He wasn’t sure what to expect. 10 seconds passed and then the darkness turned into bright red and yellow as the weeds softly brushed around him. When he opened them, the whole entire bank was burning. The trees and the tents, while people were screaming, some falling into the cold waters, but most were on the ground.

Was that how real war really looked like? What was the point of it all?

Kyungsoo fired into the ones that were still standing up and one by one, without putting a fight, they fell down and the woods became quiet.

“Happy?”

Baekhyun shook his head.

“Now that I’ve killed 12 innocent people, are you fucking happy?!” the man yelled, grabbing him by the collar of his shirt, shaking him a couple of times.

They walked back to the camp, none of them talking, and Baekhyun fell down right underneath a tree; he hugged his knees and closed his eyes. The night felt long ahead of him. All of them were dead; they didn’t appear older than 20, but in a way, they all looked aged.

At some point, he didn’t know when, someone sat next to him and put an arm around his shoulders.

“I’m sorry.” it whispered into his hair.

“For what?”

“For blaming you…for acting like an ass when you didn’t deserve it.”

“Don’t be dramatic.” Baekhyun said.

He looked at him but it was too dark to really see his face.

“When you go back to your boyfriend and normal life-“Kyungsoo said but didn’t finish his words.

Baekhyun leaned in, almost guessing where his mouth was supposed to be, and kissed him. It didn’t last long, as Kyungsoo pushed him away. But he kissed him again, forcefully, biting his lower lip and pushing him hard on the ground.

He straddled his lap and licked the thread of blood trickling on his chin. It felt dirty and terrible, but he couldn’t stop. His instinct was urging him to continue because the one underneath him won’t oppose anymore.

And it was true.

The man gripped his hips, digging his fingers in the sliver of skin revealed by the shirt that raised up on his body. He then pushed him down and turned him around, until he was hovering over. This time, Kyungsoo was the one initiating the kiss, licking at the seam of his lips until Baekhyun opened up and moaned lowly.

“I’ve wanted to fuck you so badly for so fucking long.” Kyungsoo whispered, kissing from his neck down to his chest.

“Why didn’t you? I would have…” Baekhyun whimpered as the other took his nipple in his mouth and sucked it hard.

“Because…it isn’t right…”

“I don’t care…” he said.

Something cracked near them.

“Be quiet…Jongdae might wake up.” Kyungsoo whispered.

He dragged his thumb along his jaw, until it reached his mouth and then he pushed it inside, gently. Baekhyun licked it once and then started sucking on it until another one came in.

“Fuck…”

The morning came in a blur. Baekhyun woke up next to Kyungsoo, with his head resting over his chest. His whole body was sore but looking at the other still sleeping, he was glad.

He kissed him at the corner of the mouth and giggled. They had actually done it, right in a forest with someone sleeping meters away from them.

“Morning…” he smiled.

“You’re even more annoying in the morning.” Kyungsoo laughed.

“Maybe.”

Baekhyun kissed him and sighed.

“What’s wrong?”

“Would you call me baby once? Please?”

“Why?”

“A…fetish of mine?”

“I’ll just laugh, Baek.” he said, brushing a strand of hair away. “Ba…baby?”

“Yeah?”

They both laughed and Baekhyun buried his face in the other’s crook of the neck.

“We should wake up.”

“Should we?”

“Yes…ba…by.”

Baekhyun laughed, feeling each and every individual hair on his body raise.

“Alright, but only because you called me baby.” he said and kissed him again.

For longer, dragging his fingers across Kyungsoo’s abdomen, stopping right at the hem of his boxers.

“I might have some dirt in them.” he said.

“Can’t we just never leave this place?”

Kyungsoo’s hand was rubbing slow circles over his back, ceasing from time to time to tap on the expanse of white skin.

“I’ve had this song in my mind for a while…”

“Can you sing?”

“Play the piano.” Kyungsoo said, kissing the side of his mouth. “But that was something else, with a violin.”

“When did you learn?”

“In primary school and middle school, before they took all the musical instruments away. I haven’t played the piano for 15 years.”

“I’m sorry.”

“You don’t have to be. You are always feeling sorry for me, one way or another, aren’t you?”

“I am not.”

Baekhyun laughed. He kissed his nose and then both cheeks and both eyes. “If I had the money, I would buy you a piano. The best one so you could play your song on it.”

“I wouldn’t be able to, anyways. My fingers have never been the ones of pianist, anyways.”

“I think your fingers are just fine.”

He took one hand and placed it in front of him. Baekhyun kissed each of them and then the palm. “See? Now they are perfect.”

Kyungsoo laughed; with one hand he brushed the other’s hair out of the way and smiled.

“Okay.”

“So it’s a deal. I’ll buy you a piano someday.”

“Deal.”

The rest of the day passed in a blur, as Baekhyun could only focus on Kyungsoo and every little individual detail that he had missed until then. How he had a mole on his ear and one on his upper lip, or the way he scrunched his nose when something was not the way he had wanted. So many things to keep learning about him and Baekhyun could not wait for the war to be over.

By the end of the day, he felt so happy any time he glanced at the other or when they gazes met, but instead of looking away, he could hold it and smile. Jongdae quickly became an annoyance.

“What are we still doing here anyways?” he asked.

“Well, we have no way to contact the camp.” Kyungsoo said. “We’ll have to wait and see.”

“Great. While running out of food.” Jongdae huffed, pushing some more sprigs into the fire.

The nights had suddenly become cold, too cold for that time of the year.

“Last night I heard some very strange noises.” he continued and Baekhyun wasn’t sure whether or not he knew all about it or he was only testing the territory.

“Could be wild animals. It’s a forest, after all.” Kyungsoo said.

“Maybe.” he said and looked at Baekhyun.

The next day it was decided to leave for the camp, on foot. Baekhyun felt giddy. The only thing he wanted to do was hold Kyungsoo’s hand and kiss and kiss him until he will be out of breath. It took them 2 days to get back to the camp, with no food left. But he didn’t care.

The place was as crowded as before, maybe even more. Everyone stared at them as they walked inside and the first to greet them was Seon-ho.

“They are doing negotiations. Good job!” he smiled and patted Baekhyun on the back. “Seems like they don’t have more resources than we do.”

“We could tell.” Kyungsoo said.

It all looked worse than before, the smog thicker, especially in the morning when it was melting with the autumnal fog. Everything was damp and smelling of oils and tar; the clothes, the bodies, even the food.

Baekhyun couldn’t care less.

At night they would sleep underneath the hollow tree, covered with a slimy blanket; but his head would be resting on Kyungsoo’s shoulder while their legs were tangled on the ground. His breathing was even, soft, and the heartbeat was pulsing right on his cheek.

“I can’t wait for it to be over.” he said one night.

Kyungsoo didn’t answer immediately, but breathed out and laid his head on the hard bark to look at the sky; they were fewer and fewer.

“Don’t you?”

He sighed and turned his head to look at Baekhyun.

“I fear that once we are out of here…this…will cease to exist.”

“Why?”

“Maybe this is the kind of thing that only endures behind those fences. Not out…where…”

“Why can’t you call it love?”

“Baek…”

“I love you…” he whispered, nuzzling at his neck. “I would love you just as much outside. I said that I would buy you a fucking piano and I meant it. Maybe even steal it. Doesn’t that…”

Kyungsoo bit his lip. He wanted to say something more but now he knew that he couldn’t talk just as freely as before; say all kinds of hurtful words that maybe one week back wouldn’t have mattered that much.  

He sighed again, unsure of what to say. Love. He hadn’t allowed himself to love someone for a very long time. But Baekhyun was different; bright and full of life, with an energy he, himself, didn’t think he could have back. He was different and part of himself was afraid that he might ruin everything good in him. That outside, Baekhyun would get bored of misery and hunger, by his side.

“I love you.” Kyungsoo said after a while.

“I know.” Baekhyun smiled and kissed him on the cheek. “You’re very obvious.”

“Am I?”

“Yes. You don’t have to say it because the rest…tells it.”

Kyungsoo laughed and held him tighter. He wanted to remember those moments before they would stop being.

No answer came not after a couple more days. The camp was beginning to boil, people were becoming restless and wanting to return to their homes. Nobody saw any point in anything that was taking place.

On the fifth day of their return, Chanyeol came. He kissed Baekhyun straight on the lips when they met, hugged him tight and sighed.

“I was so worried when I couldn’t find you that morning and then my father told me that your unit was sent to the battlefront.” he said. “You’re alright.”

“Yes, I am.”

“What happened? What did you all do?”

“Killed them.”

“Baek…I’m taking you out of here. I’ve finally convinced my father. He wants to meet you.” Chanyeol said.

“Did you?”

“Yes…he is curious to see you. I know he’ll like you.”

“Chanyeol…I can’t leave like this.”

“Why not?! You have nothing to do with these people.” he said and looked around the camp.

“I want to stay here until it is over.”

“Baekhyun. Don’t be silly.” he shook his head.

“If this is what you call silly, then maybe you don’t know me that well.”

“Baek…” Chanyeol said and grabbed his wrist, placing his hand into his. “I want you to be well…and I don’t think a military camp is…” he shook his head.

“I know...I know.”

“I’ll stay the night. Think about it, alright?”

He nodded, feeling a knot forming right in his throat. Maybe he should have told him but something had stopped him in the last minute.

“You don’t have to sleep outside tonight.” Chanyeol said, smiling.

Baekhyun smiled too. But the knot was growing wider, making it impossible to breathe. The day was going to fast even though he had nothing to do around the camp. He dreaded the idea of the night coming.

In the end, it did. He looked for Kyungsoo first.

“They didn’t find Joy and the rest. Hopefully it will remain that way.” the man said.

“Chanyeol came.”

“Oh.”

Kyungsoo remained quiet, looking at the papers in front of him. “They’ve…given me a promotion for the work done. I am to be moved to their headquarters as a military adviser and probably other things too…I’m not sure what that’s good for, but tomorrow they’ll announce the Peace Treaty and-“

“Kyungsoo. I’ve just told you that Chanyeol came. He wants us to leave tomorrow.”

“I heard that. Tomorrow I’ll have to leave the headquarters too.”

Baekhyun swallowed. “You will?”

“Yes. Those are the orders.”

“What about…what about the piano…and-and” he whispered, filled the knot travel up, up, blocking his airways again; he couldn’t speak. Baekhyun wasn’t sure why the first thing he had thought about was that damn piano.

“The leave is at 5am.”

“I’m…” Baekhyun bit his lip and faltered. “I’m happy for you. It means you’ll live in the capital from now on.”

“I will.”

“When did they…tell you about it?”

“A couple of hours ago.” Kyungsoo said; he glanced to his right, at a tree.

“I’m happy for you. I really am. This means that this is goodbye then.” he tried to smile.

“Yes…I supposed it is. Good luck, private Byun.”

“Good luck…officer Do.” he said and turned around.

Baekhyun stopped and breathed out. He turned back around. Kyungsoo looked up at him and he wanted to do so many things, smash his skull and kiss him to death.

“You promised…that you’ll…take care of me. That you’ll never leave me alone. You fucking promised but you lied! You fucking lied and I fucking fell in love with you, you fucking jerk! I hate you! I hate you! I hope…I hope that you…” he stopped and licked his lips. “I don’t want to ever see you again and if I do-if I do…”

“Baek…”

“No…don’t say that. Don’t ever say that. I trusted you. I did.”

“Baek…” Kyungsoo said.

He stood up and walked over to him; wrapped both arms around his thin torso, as his body began to tremble, like one of a puppet on a string. “I have nothing to offer to you…”

“D-did I ever ask you for anything?”

“Baek…you pushed me to do what I did with you…you pushed all my buttons even though you knew…”

“Do you regret it?”

“Baek…”

“Do you regret it?!!”

“Yes!!” Kyungsoo said and Baekhyun stepped away.

“I’m fucking sorry you do. I really am…”

“Baekhyun…”

“Fuck off! Just fuck off!”

Kyungsoo watched Baekhyun walk away from him. His chest shuddered as his fingers gripped the edge of the table, letting the wood dig into the flesh of his palm.

“Baekhyun…” he whispered. “I’m sorry…”

Baekhyun couldn’t cry. Each step he was making grew smaller and smaller until he stopped. One big breathe in and he looked behind. Kyungsoo was still at the table, looking at him. That time, he couldn’t smile even though he had his full attention.

He continued walking until in front of him there was Chanyeol, stepping out of a tent.

“Baek…” he smiled.

“I’m leaving with you tomorrow.”

“I’m glad.” Chanyeol grinned, patting his shoulders. “Come on. I’ve managed to find some decent food in this…place. Grapes and ham and some cheese. A feast, huh?”

“Yes…a feast.”

He sat down on the bed and stared down at his fingers; just one day ago he had been the happiest in his entire life.

“Are you alright?”

“Yes. Just tired…and my back hurts.”

“Here. A grape.” Chanyeol said and threw one into his mouth. “Aaaand score!”

Baekhyun laughed, chewing it slowly. There was still a knot in his throat; he could barely swallow because of it.

“I missed you. It was horrible back home without you.”

“Really?” Baekhyun said and intertwined their fingers.

He leaned forward and closed his eyes. Chanyeol smelled of laundry detergent and he tried to remember the sentiments he had had at the beginning, when he had first met him; the boy with the hair caught on fire, the boy with the ice blue hair, smiling at him from the ice rink. The one who had given him a hand and pulled him up from the ground. He could, only vaguely, but nothing came back to him with the past strength.

He kissed him on the cheek and then on both eyes and afterwards on his mouth.

“I love you.” he whispered and felt the knot grow again, right at the base of his neck.

“I love you, Baekhyun.” Chanyeol said and cupped his face with both hands.

He woke up, during the night, to Chanyeol’s snoring. There were noises outside the tent, people talking in whispers. He got dressed with shaking fingers, his pants and shirt falling on the ground each time before he could put them on.  

There was a car outside, with the headlights on.

He saw Kyungsoo opening its door. His first impulse was to run to him but then, Kyungsoo got inside, the door closed and the car started. Slowly, then faster and faster after it passed the gates.

They closed, after a while, and Baekhyun fell down and finally cried. It left his chest like a whimper and not even covering his mouth with both hands could he hinder them. No tears were coming, only those broken sounds. 

He didn’t know how much time had passed standing there, underneath a tree, on the cold ground. When he walked back to the tent, his steps were hollow, almost as if their sound was coming from somewhere else, further away, not from him. It seemed like another being was following him, but when he turned around, the path was empty. Only him.

He sat on the bed, next to Chanyeol and closed his eyes. He needed to sleep. But it didn’t come to him, not even when the light was beginning to peak through the tree branches.

“Baek…” Chanyeol whispered and placed an arm over his middle. “What time is it?”

“I think 8.”

“We should get ready then…” he yawned.

“Alright.”

Baekhyun got out of bed and stretched his body. It all ached. Two hands were placed on his hips as Chanyeol’s head lied on his shoulder blade. One kiss, right on the nape of his neck.

“We’ll go to my father’s house first.”

“Why?”

Another kiss, lower on his back.

“That’s where I live.” he laughed. “But he’ll help us with a house.”

“And jobs?”

“He’ll figure something out. Maybe put us in the Small Governing Council.”

Chanyeol sat down on his knees. “What are you doing?”

“We still have some time.” he said as he turned Baekhyun around.

“You said that-“

“Let me take care of you for once.”

Baekhyun closed his eyes. His fingers tangled in his hair and pulled. Not too hard, just enough to see his reaction.

“F-faster…”

The car ride seemed too long. He kept staring out of the window until they stopped in front of a building made out of red bricks and deep blue windows.

“Home.” Chanyeol said. “You’ll like it here.”

Baekhyun sighed and stepped out of the car.

“Will I?” he whispered, looking back at the vehicle that was getting away from them on the quiet street with barely any trees. Just asphalt and red bricked buildings with blue window sills and frames. Chanyeol held his hand and he looked down at it, wondering what he was doing there.

“Come on. Father is waiting for us.”

“Is he…?”

The door opened and Baekhyun breathed out.

 

 -

**Author's Note:**

> comments are well loved:)


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